You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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