Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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