Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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