Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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