In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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