Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
