you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
