i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
