like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
