I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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