im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
