Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
