Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
