you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
