They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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