dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
