I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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