You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
