Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
