just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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