I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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