No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
