Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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