You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
