Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
