I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
