I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
