So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
