We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
