I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think my moral compass just broke
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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