I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
