The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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