how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
