my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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