I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
