You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
