Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
