the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
