Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
