I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
