This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
