So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
