hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't motorboat a personality
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
