I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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