so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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