This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
