I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
