I want to stick my p in your. b.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
