dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
