like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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