WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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