just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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