The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
