4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I stole a fireplace last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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