i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
