I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
