I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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