he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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