I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
