I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
