this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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