Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
