I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
