hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's just like the Real World with babies
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
