I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
