I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize