When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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