Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
