He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
