You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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