Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
